Thursday, April 12, 2007

McFE is Free in Bangkok

THANKS Ferrari

This one is for the American. Americans have a magical way of lying to themselves about nearly everything by simply naming it with something very easy on the ear. They are so sensitive about labels and titles that they can’t even hear the word toilet without shuttering. “Restroom, thank you, or washroom, or ladies room please.” Well we can call it a haven for luxurious stenches and it still is going to smell like shit. As Cheech and Chong proved, if it looks like it and smells like, it’s not necessary to taste it. My favorite is the labels of American affiliation and specification or we can simply call it by the Sim acronym AAS. (Please pronounce the S at the end strongly and hold it.) I am no longer white in America, I am a European American or Caucasian American. Odd since I have never been to Europe. I do have a good idea that whoever came up with the Caucasian thing meant to say dick who insulted an Asian.

I must say that I was so brainwashed since I taught at a public high school for a decade, that I knew all the labels and used them with properness and piety—even often paying close attention to mixes. “Could I have the African American student with the knife please step back from the Asian-African American student with the gun. And could all of you Latino Americans please stop making fun of the Mexican American’s Spanish.”

So I go into a restaurant when I first arrived in Thailand and was sitting alone. This black guy struck up a conversation with me. He was really a nice guy and told me he’d been living in Thailand for years. “Well, as an African American?” I asked with all good intentions, “how do you find Thai people.” He furrowed his brow and became very agitated. “What the HELL you call me?” I stupidly repeated the phrase. “I’m from Nigeria! I’ve never been to America. I wouldn’t want to go there either, they treat black people like shit.”

Great? I guess labels are only good so long as you stay in the lightly populated areas, like the USA. If you come to visit the populated area of the globe, just talk to people like their people and unload your Americanism at the door. Although keep your freedom fries thing, that’s funny. Oh and the WUZ UP thing makes everyone laugh, don’t give up on that.

I am an American and I have certainly picked up this skill of labeling for effect while being raised there. So what is the point of this rambling? I’ll just tell you straight out, I don’t like the idea of being called a dirty old man. I would, from now on, when I get caught in the act of observing the beauty of a stunning woman, prefer to be referred to as a mature connoisseur of feminine exquisiteness. This acronym will be McFE and should be pronounced with a Scottish, absolutely not Irish, twang and of course hold the E a long time for effect.